How to deal with a Narcissistic Cyberbully

Narcissist Problems: Dear Narcissist Problems "I Can't Sit With Them"

When narcissists sent flying monkeys before the internet

Dear Narcissist Problems,

Anon please! I and a group of online friends have been targeted by a narcissistic woman we thought was our friend. We were all in a secret support group on Facebook, but gradually she took over which resulted in the group becoming a negative place with members banned, bullying of outsiders, and people flocking to her like flies on shit. After watching this narcissistic abuser I had foresight and chose to unfriend her and leave before it got too dark and negative for me. She noticed straight away that we weren't friends anymore, and started an online hate campaign, turning people against me and sending flying monkeys to harass me.

She told people I was talking about them behind her back, told them I was a scam artist, and generally smeared my name. I lost my online business, I lost friends, and I got depressed and withdrawn and stopped leaving the house. I've had to get a new Facebook account and block everyone from that group. This narcissistic cyber bully now admins a larger Facebook group, and has turned everyone in there against me as well now.

Even though I've blocked her, she's still finding ways to get to me online. What do I do? I've debated going to the police due to feeling unsafe. I'm in the UK. She's actually well-known as she was breastfeeding in public and someone took a picture and called her a tramp, so she's been on the news defending breastfeeding and has set up a campaign called free to feed. It's a bit ironic that someone famous for standing up to Internet bullies is an Internet bully herself. This profile is a whole new profile, but a girl who was my real life friend told her about this profile. I and my friends have saved a lot of screen shots, not enough though I fear as we didn't realize at the time what was going on.

Sincerely,

“Can’t sit with them”

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Dear “Can’t sit with them”,

I have experienced this secret group bullying by narcissists pretending to be victims to an extent. There have been a few secret groups I have joined and been bullied out of actually and it always leaves you wondering why admins would permit these people to stay. Perhaps it is because the admin feels bullied by the narcissistic personality disordered victim martyr as well. At one point, I was supporting one of the women to do a retreat. I thought it was a great idea. However, because I did not use my own pictures on my profile she began questioning my gender. (It was a female only group)

I understood the fear that maybe I could have been a man, I knew I wasn’t a man and had actually belonged to this group for a few months without problem. She began taunting me and she wanted to Skype to ensure I was in fact a female. It was totally ridiculous and I eventually replied, “Would you like a picture of my vagina??? Is that proof enough??” I don’t think she really had an issue with my body parts she was just trying to create a hostile environment.

It turned into a debate on what kind of profiles are acceptable. I had no problem sharing “myself” with the admin but we join secret groups for a reason, privacy. To avoid stalking and further harassment. To gain support in our weakest moments while healing from narcissistic abuse. The woman was a predator in sheep's clothing and I see it happen a lot.

I typically avoid people displaying their narcissism unless I am forced to react and then I only react directly to the issue and not at the emotional provocations. She was the same type of personality you describe here, cruelness disguised as a victim saint and people flocked to her like flies on shit on a hot summer day. Let them have each other. The whole point of joining these groups is to learn how to deal with a narcissist not meet new ones.

There are steps that you can take to protect yourself from a cyberbully. According to the US-CERT homeland security website it is best to limit information and to document the behavior the best you can. I've taken out a few recommendations as they are geared toward parents with children being bullied but for the most part the following five steps are recommended.

5 Things to Do if you are being bullied online:

Limit availability of personal information - Limiting the number of people who have access to contact information or details about interests, habits, or employment reduces exposure to bullies that you or your child do not know. This may limit the risk of becoming a victim and may make it easier to identify the bully if you or your child are victimized.
Avoid escalating the situation - Responding with hostility is likely to provoke a bully and escalate the situation. Depending on the circumstances, consider ignoring the issue. Often, bullies thrive on the reaction of their victims. Other options include subtle actions. For example, you may be able to block the messages on social networking sites or stop unwanted emails by changing the email address. If you continue to get messages at the new email address, you may have a stronger case for legal action.
Document the activity - Keep a record of any online activity (emails, web pages, instant messages, etc.), including relevant dates and times. In addition to archiving an electronic version, consider printing a copy.
Report cyber bullying to the appropriate authorities - If you or your child are being harassed or threatened, report the activity. Many schools have instituted bullying programs, so school officials may have established policies for dealing with activity that involves students. If necessary, contact your local law enforcement. Law enforcement agencies have different policies, but your local police department or FBI branch are good starting points. Unfortunately, there is a distinction between free speech and punishable offenses, but the legal implications should be decided by the law enforcement officials and the prosecutors.

Download a program to take screenshots when you experience an attack online. There is a great app that is free and easy to use that can be downloaded as an extension from Google Chromes webstore. Click here for Awesome Screenshot. I have the app and the extension.

You will want this documentation for court if they persist on harassing you. What a nightmare you have been through with this narcissistic drama queen. I know you are in the UK but in the United States there are laws against libel (written slander) and you should be able to sue her in civil court for the destruction of your name and loss of business. The key to this is actually being able to prove that she is the reason you lost your business and that requires documenting the crazy. Start a new business with a different name, don’t let her destroy you. I would get a free consult with an attorney ASAP.

This is exactly how we end up with anonymous profiles in the first place. I would avoid this woman like the black plague but keep all accounts open so you can document what is happening. A covert narcissist usually takes on the role of the martyr or victim of some sort and it seems to be working for her well.

I would contact the police if necessary and defiantly go talk to a lawyer. Don’t share anymore personal information with anyone who knows her. It seems like the friend who told her your real name was nothing more than a flying monkey trying to catch a ride on the 15 minute fame train. Know the red flags and please don’t hesitate to message again. You shouldn’t feel so alone but I do recommend making another profile but keeping this one open just to collect evidence of the harassment. If you can have a person who is totally removed from the situation check your messages for you and remove any real life photos so they don’t get spammed out in the smear campaign. Good Luck to you and remember you are not alone!

Regards,