Narcissistic Baby Momma

Dear Narcissist Problems,

What if you are forced to deal with problems with the narcissist ex wife of your live in boyfriend due to the fact they have young children together who visit every weekend and vacations?? I ignore her actions but still have to hear about the abuse she extends on my boyfriend and her children because of her hatred of my boyfriend. My boyfriend tends to minimize the abuse which is extremely annoying. Sometimes I think he enjoys the attention from it. I feel like I'm just another victim caught in the middle of this huge mess.

Sincerely,

"Baby Momma Drama"

Dear "Baby Momma Drama",

Learning how to deal with a narcissist is going to take a lot of soul searching. The first thing you should do is realize how short life is and come to an understanding that staying with your boyfriend is going to result in the majority of the rest of your life being spent in a living nightmare. You called him your boyfriend and he has small children so to me that means that your relationship is semi-fresh. I would really take some time to examine if YOU can deal with what you are already dealing with times ten thousand. You need to realize everything that annoys you now will only escalate. First, I would set some boundaries with your boyfriend and let him know that unless he is willing to try to change the situation then you don't want to hear the constant complaints because it will slowly kill you. If you feel that he enjoys the attention I would trust your gut on that because he probably does. Don't let his victim-hood dominate your reaction of building boundaries. You didn't give too many details about what she is doing that is abusive so I'll let you know what you're in for.

Don't get too involved with baby momma. When the kids are there also don't talk about child support or baby momma infront of them. These children are the most innocent bystanders in the whole situation because they have absolutely zero control over what is going on. If you want to be in their lives be there for support. Understand that their mother is probably trying to alienate them from their father. This takes place by bad mouthing you and their father. Children are incredibly observant and they will be able to see that things are not the same as their mother is telling them. Just don't put them in the middle in any way, shape, or form.

You are in for a modern day witch hunt. Period.

Think about the Salem witch trials for a moment and understand you are in a position for that to happen to you. Only instead of being accused of witchcraft you will eventually be accused of abuse. At some point child protective services will be at your door to investigate one or both of you for harming the children. Its a good thing you asked how to deal with a narcissistic ex wife so now you can be prepared on how to deal with CPS. When dealing with child protective services make it known that you believe that the anonymous report of child abuse most likely came from baby momma because it has been a very high conflict situation and has escalated. Then answer their questions simply, do NOT offer any extras as anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You are going to need advice from a lawyer. All of these situations will end up bleeding you guys dry. You can get free online legal advice under our tab "Legal".

Here are a couple of fixed fee (not charged by hour) legal services you can get in your area if the crazy gets crazier:

Social workers are not your friend and they are not there to help clear the air. They are there looking for abuse. Do not delay contacting an attorney. This is a situation where your civil rights can be taken away specifically in reference to the 4th and 14th amendments so if you want to say you need to contact your attorney and you will have your attorney set up a meeting to answer their questions. Most people assume that saying this makes you look "guilty". I don't give a shit, don't be stupid, innocent or guilty fathers are losing their rights left and right in this country so don't think for a single second that just because you are innocent that some crazy shit isn't about to go down.

Further, our family court system doesn't need the same standard of evidence that is needed in the criminal court system. Hence, the witch hunt has begun. If CPS is at your door that means who ever can tell the best story wins. Truth or Lies, this is the reality of the situation and you are dealing with a narcissist!

Here is a great book to get you started on how to deal with baby momma and could help your boyfriend as well:

You will also probably have the police show up at your house around 2 or 3 am a few times because someone reported a domestic dispute because you did something to piss baby Momma off. I mean really I could write a book on this, in fact, I just might. There is just too much to go into on this subject of "what if". It would probably be easier to answer what will go right as the list would be shorter. Without some more specific instances of specific behavior I'm just scrapping the surface on this one. Examine the relationship and decide if you want to continue moving forward with your boyfriend because if you stay it will be a never ending cycle of what if's that either one of us could have never predicted. Good Luck to you and we are always here for support!!

Regards,