Leaving people, breaking up, family estrangement, or no contact whatever the case might be if someone is abusing you then its time to go! Too often we stick around abusive relationships for far too long thinking things will change. As a result, we spend years trying to change ourselves instead of confronting the real problem.
If someone is abusing you emotionally, financially, psychologically, or physically no amount of self realization will fix what is going on. In abusive relationships the only thing you have the power to change is how much of the abuse you are willing to put up with.
Yes it is important to self reflect but don't spend one more minute thinking if only you were happier, stronger, more intelligent, or successful that will make your abuser happy with you. If you think this is how you feel where their words and actions are arrows and you are always on the defense (watch this) then you should examine your relationships and leaving.

So how much work is too much? How do you know when enough is enough? How do you even know if this is abuse? Are you over reacting? If you are asking yourself questions like this then this is the place for you to connect with others.
I have learned,it takes two to tango. Not sure abuse is all one direction, once contempt arises, safest decison is to move away, as you suggest.
There are often sad news stories about marital/ family suicide,Murder and violence
It increases during holiday times.
Hi. I had to leave mine. They do no play fair or have empathy. Get your important papers, computers, prized possessions out of there without them noticing. Trusted friends with storage at home or businesses can be a big help. Tell no one on your narc's side. Line up lawyer before...use a prepaid phone or visit in person. Have lawyer prepare divorce or seperation filings before you are going to leave. Have it filed the day you leave. This will help to head off bogus PFA complaints. Put cell phone in airplane mode and ler the battery go dead so it cannot be tracked. Disconnect onstar or similar vehicle tracking lojack, etc.. get a mailboxes etc, ups store box. These are private and use box numbdr for aparment numbsr on your drivers license change of address. Use a friends business addresss is another option or relative they dont like. Block them and all their friends on Facebook and social media and linkedin. It is hard at first but gets,easier. Record by iphone any run ins,with flying monkeys. It could be worse....yours could be a spy with leathal force teaining. Good luck